I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
