NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
