I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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