not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
