Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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