WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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