There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
