i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
