Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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