this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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