Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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