i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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