I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
