I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
