Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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