remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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