I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
