we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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