well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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