Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
