So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
