I need help removing her.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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