i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
