where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
