Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
