I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize