Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
