I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
