i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I deserve this hangover.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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