I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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