Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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