I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
