I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You ruined the universe
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
