I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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