Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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