Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
