stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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