Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
