Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
