"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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