i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
