I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
