My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
