Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
