my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
