are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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