Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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