I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize