I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
