so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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