if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
