I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
