would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
