I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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