What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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