sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
