I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize