i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
