Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
