and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
