So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
