3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
