return my video game
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
