god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize