smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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