The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize