I hate your face
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
