Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
