Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
