if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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