Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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