its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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