Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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