So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
